By: Nadeem F. Paracha
John J. Pinto, the Caucasian Canadian and Catholic scholar who for some reason became a citizen of Pakistan has reached the Canadian capital, Ottawa, with some 40 billion followers of his.
Speaking near the Canadian Parliament Hall, Pinto told the mega-ultra-epic-mammoth crowd that he had returned to Canada to get rid of its corrupt politicians, parties and political system and impose true democracy with the help of the country’s armed forces, judiciary and ice hockey team.
‘I won’t move from here until I achieve my goal,’ he promised. ‘I will turn Ottawa into Nazareth and send Ceasar and his evil men home even if they feed me to the lions!’
Most Canadian politicians in the government and opposition have been critical of Pinto. They have accused him of staying in Pakistan as a Pakistani only to return to Canada on the instructions of those who want to derail Canada’s democracy, topple an elected parliament and replace it with a technocratic set-up backed by the military, judiciary and the country’s ice hockey squad.
‘Pinto is a former failed politician and a spiritual fraud,’ a government spokesman claimed. ‘We know who he is working for, and believe me, it’s not John the Baptist.’
Pinto refuted the claim: ‘I don’t want power,’ he shouted from behind his bullet-proof, water-proof, sound-proof, smoke-free, digital, 60-inch flat-screen altar. ‘I am ready to give my life for my country!’