Saroop Ijaz on Imran Khan and the 19/90 days promise. Lying or stupid?

The lies and triangulations of Imran Khan

By Saroop Ijaz

When the educated, prudent Imran Khan supporter is asked for her views on the unbelievably grand proclamation of the ‘dear leader’ stating that he will uproot corruption in 19 days and eradicate terrorism in 90 days, there are always two slants, often one after the other. The devotee will inevitably begin by arguing how Imran Khan will unquestionably and quite breezily achieve the said objectives in the self-stipulated time period. If the line of reasoning is further pursued (or reasoning used at all), they will gingerly and sheepishly concede that statements might not be susceptible to literal implementation, but making an invigorated comeback, state that he is better than everyone else and has built a cancer hospital and who else could they vote for etc? At this point a smirk breaks out on the face of the PTI foot-soldier; to them it is the clincher. The best argument for Imran Khan is something which can be vaguely phrased as some notion of the ‘lesser evil’. There is some difficulty in grasping the concept of how the subsequent quantitative judgment about less or more is precisely made, once the qualitative determination of ‘evilness’ has been reached.

Let me be plain on the matter, the proclamations of Imran Khan on corruption and terrorism and the arbitrary, flashy deadlines are untrue on their face. They require no elaborate refutation, and a child of 10 having average intelligence should see through them, unless of course they have uncritical love blinding them. This brings us to the question of motive, here again an unflattering binary is unavoidable; either he is lying by design or he does not possess the fortitude to understand and realize what he says. At a core level, it is a choice between deceit and self-deceit. I do not think Imran Khan is fantastically intelligent, but he is decent by cricketer/politician standard. Hence, because he is not severely mentally handicapped, it is safe to say that he does know what he promises is not only undoable, it is impossible that he will get anywhere close to these deadlines in the best of circumstances. The blatant misrepresentations cannot be attributed to Spartan simple-mindedness or childlike innocence; it is done with complete knowledge. Therefore, even to put it at its mildest, Imran Khan is deliberately and consciously lying.

PTI will end corruption in 19 days, terrorism in 90 days: Imran Khan

ISLAMABAD: Pakistan Tehreek-e-Insaf (PTI), once in power, will end corruption in 19 days and terrorism in 90 days, said PTI Chairman Imran Khan on Sunday.

Speaking at a seminar organised by PTI in Islamabad, Imran said that his party would not be dependent on the bureaucracy nor would it “waste time listening to their suggestions.”

Referring to the many crises faced by Pakistan, Imran said it was not necessary that a political leadership could not achieve what former president Pervez Musharraf had failed to accomplish, in terms of resolving the crises.

“PTI will come to power along with policies to address all problems.”

Courtesy: The Express Tribune

Imran Khan’s hollow slogans of change with people by establishment are not working in Sindh

Translation by Khalid Hashmani

Excerpt;

Jami Chandio is well-known Sindhi activist. Jami sahib in his interview with Geo Tv says that no political party can succeed in Sindh without having a strong local organizational structure in Sindh and addressing the key issues of Sindh. He says that it is quite possible that Pakistan Tahreek-e-Insaaf (PTI) may be able to attract few feudal family names as there are always some who are ready to join anyone who is likely to be in power. However, such addition of feudal names would not make any difference in an honest election.

Jami also says that for the first time, several nationalist parties have also decided to contest the upcoming elections so there is a likelihood of three-way contest in most constituencies. He concludes that the Pakistan People’s Party (PPP) is likely to win elections in Sindh but with a reduced majority.

Courtesy: Geo Tv News ( Aaj Kamran Khan Ke Saath, 28th December 2011.)

via » ZemTv » YouTube

Sardar and an American

A Sardar and an American are seated next to each other on a flight from Los Angeles to New York . The American asks if he would like to play a fun-game.

The Sardar, tired, just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.

The American persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun.

He says, “I ask you a question, and if you don’t know the answer, you pay me $5, and vice versa.”

Again, the Sardar! declines and tries to get some sleep.

The American, now worked up, says, “Okay, if you don’t know the answer, you pay me $5, and if I don’t know the answer, I’ll pay you $500.”

This gets the sardar’s attention and, figuring there

will be no end to this torment, agrees to the game.

The American asks the first question, “What’s the distance from the earth to the moon?”

The Sardar doesn’t say a word, reaches into his wallet, pulls out a $5 bill and hands it to the American.

“Okay,” says the American, “Your turn.”

So the Sardar asks, “What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?”

The American thinks about it. No answer.

Puzzled, he takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. No answer!

He taps into the air-phone with his modem and searches the Internet and the Library of Congress. No answer.

Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all h! is friends and co-workers.

Checks the input. All to no avail!

Finally, a long time later, he wakes the Sardar and hands him $500.

The Sardar thanks him and turns back to get his sleep.

The American, more than a little miffed, stirs the

Sardar and asks,

“Well, what’s the answer?”

Without a word, the Sardar reaches into his purse, hands the American $5, and goes back to sleep!

What if we win?

– By Omar

http://www.washingtonpost.com/politi…c7K_story.html

Going from bad to worse? It seems that tragedy is turning into farce. Pakistan should do something quickly to help the US before the US loses the war (see below). Pakistan’s rational and far-sighted response may now be America’s best hope!

Many of my Pakistani friends are happy because they think this is a zero-sum game: what is bad for the US is good for Pakistan. I disagree. First of all, I dont think the US is done yet. Confused, yes. Done? probably not.
But even if we imagine that everything goes downhill for the US from now onwards and they eventually pull out defeated, it is not likely to be a fatal blow (Some Paknationalists imagine a Soviet Union scenario, but their knowledge and analysis are both terribly off in this case). The US, while chastened and shocked (as after Vietnam?) will not be seriously wounded by defeat in Afghanistan; What happens to the economy at home will be far more crucial than what happens in Afghanistan and Pakistan, neither of which have a big role in the economy, and the role they do have is entirely negative.

Pakistan is another matter. I dont think stoppage of US aid is going to be a necessarily fatal problem (severe sanctions are another matter, but maybe China can prevent those?). And the inevitable military coup (perhaps a “hidden one” in which a civilian caretaker regime is installed by the army) may even lead to a temporary improvement in administration in the core region for a while; but this “victory” will not solve deep seated problems in the structure and direction of the state. In fact, it will likely make them worse as the jihadi faction starts looking for a victory dividend. In any case, Afghanistan will erupt in open civil war and that will suck us into all kinds of trouble. Even in the best case scenario, it will be very tough. In the worst case scenario, we may collapse before the last American takes off from the embassy roof. The risks in case of “victory” are enormous.
Does this mean that someone in Pakistan will in fact sort out the confusion and help the US out just to save itself? While that may appear logical, it does not appear likely. This is a genuine mess. The kind where nobody is sure what will happen next.

A joke from the nineties suddenly appears to be prescient: Nawaz Sharif was portrayed as something of a simpleton, getting by on the advice of his shrewd father (abba ji). Here is the joke:
Nawaz Sharif: Abba ji, the economy is in terrible shape and nothing is working. What can we do now?
Abba ji: Son, there is only one solution. Start a war with America. They will bomb the country and utterly destroy it. Then they will occupy us and launch a Marshall plan and we will be rebuilt with their money. Look how rich Japan and Germany have become after losing a war to America.
Nawaz Sharif: But abba ji, what if we win?

PS: the “all parties conference” in Pakistan has just released its resolution. They seem to agree with me. Who knows, the corrupt elite may have enough self-awareness to sneak out of this one ….

Notice that Pakistan is opening up trade with India. We delayed an American victory in Afghanistan for 10 years because we dont want Indian influence in Afghanistan. We dont want Indian influence in Afghanistan because the Indians are our eternal enemies. Now the Americans are threatening us, so we are going to make peace with India to relieve pressure on the economy. When we are friends with India, will we still need to deny them “influence” in Afghanistan? Inquiring minds want to know….

Courtesy: → BrownPundits

Pakistan Mlitary help line

Welcome to the Pakistan Army Help Line..

For Real Estate, press 1;

For Banking Services, press 2;

For Construction, press 3;

For Logistics, press 4;

For Agricultural Services, press 5;

For Retail services, press 6;

For Shadi Halls, press 7;

For Insurance services, press 8;

for Consumer goods, press 9;

for Security please call ‘Brinks‘.

…And for whereabouts of Terrorists call American CIA

For those in denial please call your approved psychological services specializing in conspiracy theories …

Courtesy: Pakistani e-lists/ e-groups, May 27, 2011

Pakistani Hell

A man dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different hell for each country. He decides he’ll pick the least painful to spend his eternity. He goes to the German Hell and asks, “What do they do here?”
He is told “first they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for  another hour. Then the German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day“.
The man does not like the sound of that at all so he moves on. He checks out the AMERICAN Hell as  well as the Russian Hell and many more.  He discovers that they are all similar to the German hell.

Then he comes to the PAKISTANI hell and finds that there is a long line of people waiting to get in.
Amazed, he asks, “What do they d here?”
He is told “first they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. The PAKISTANI devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day.
“But that is exactly the same as all the other hells so why are there so many people waiting to get in?” asks the man.

“Because there is never any electricity, so the electric chair does not work. The nails were paid for but never supplied, so the bed is comfortable to sleep on. And the PAKISTANI devil used to be a civil servant, so he comes in, signs his time sheet and goes back home for private business.” SO YOU SEE… IT PAYS TO BE A PAKISTANI!!

Source – Internet.

Gaddafi: Running on Crazy

by Mona Eltahawy, Columnist for Al Masry Al Youm, Al Arab

NEW YORK – If Tunisia kicked down the door of the Arab imagination by showing it was possible to topple a dictator, Egypt drew a blueprint of non-violence for the house of revolution that detailed how to demolish a stubbornly entrenched dictator; and now in Libya a mad man is trying to burn down the entire house rather than face eviction.

For 42 years, Col. Moammar Gadhafi’s antics have blinded too many to a brutality they finally see on full display as he desperately tries to quash the most serious uprising against his rule. If too many chose to not see, Libyans have known all too well.

Half the struggle for Libyans has surely been getting the world to move beyond Gadhafi the Clown, a role he seems to have uninhibitedly embraced. Who hasn’t been distracted by the eclectic wardrobe, the Kalashnikov-armed female bodyguards, and the tents he would pitch at home and abroad for talks with officials.

A source of embarrassment for Libyans, Gadhafi has never been a joke: disappearances, a police state, zero freedom of expression and poverty for at least a third of the population of country tremendously wealthy thanks to oil.

For years, Gadhafi squandered that wealth on causes and radical violence abroad that he chose because they epitomized the “enemy of my enemy is my friend” school of diplomacy. In 2003, just as the U.S. became mired in Iraq and its non-existent weapons of mass destruction, Gadhafi realized no one was scared of him anymore and voluntarily gave up his weapons of mass destruction programs.

When the world has paid attention to his crimes it has invariably been to those against non-Libyans such as the mid-air bombings of a French airliner over Niger and of a Pan Am airliner over Lockerbie, Scotland. Once he compensated families who lost relatives in those attacks, Gadhafi became persona grata and money and business deals came in, along with high-level dignitaries. …

Read more : Huffingtonpost

Humor — Hell — Pakistan

A man dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different hell for each country. He decides he’ll pick the least painful to spend his eternity. He goes to the German Hell and asks, “What do they do here?”

He is told “first they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day”.

The man does not like the sound of that at all so he moves on. He checks out the AMERICAN Hell as well as the Russian Hell and many more. He discovers that they are all similar to the German hell.

Then he comes to the PAKISTANI hell and finds that there is a long line of people waiting to get in.

Amazed, he asks, “What do they d here?”

He is told “first they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. The PAKISTANI devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day.

“But that is exactly the same as all the other hells so why are there so many people waiting to get in?” asks the man.

“Because there is never any electricity, so the electric chair does not work. The nails were paid for but never supplied, so the bed is comfortable to sleep on. And the PAKISTANI devil used to be a civil servant, so he comes in, signs his time sheet and goes back home for private business.”

Marriage!!

>> After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can’t face each other, but still they stay together. -Al Gore

>>By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher. – Socrates

>> Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them. -Mike Tyson

>> I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me. -Bill Clinton

>> “I don’t worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.” -Rudy Giuliani

“There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called wife.” – Michael Jordan

>> “I’ve had bad luck with all my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn’t.” -Donald Trump

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming

1. Whenever you’re wrong, admit it, 2. Whenever you’re right, shut up. -Shaquille O’Neal

>> The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once… – Kobe Bryant

>> My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. – Alec Baldwin

>> A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong. -Barack Obama

>> Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy. -Tommy Lee

>> First Guy (proudly): “My wife’s an angel!” Second Guy: “You’re lucky, mine’s still alive.” – Jimmy Kimmel

>> “First there’s the promise ring, then the engagement ring, then the wedding ring…soon after….comes Suffer…ing! -Jay Leno

Laloo Prasad sent his Bio Data – to apply for a post in Microsoft Corporation, USA

A few days later he got this reply:

Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad,
You do not meet our requirements. Please do not send any further correspondence. No phone call shall be entertained.
Thanks
Bill Gates .

Laloo prasad jumped with joy on receiving this reply. He arranged a press conference:

“Bhaiyon aur Behno, aap ko jaan kar khushi hogee ki hum ko Amereeca mein naukri mil gayee hai.”
Everyone was delighted. Laloo prasad continued… … “Ab hum aap sab ko apnaa appointment Letter padkar sunaongaa ? par letter angreeze main hai – isliyen saath-saath Hindi main translate bhee karoonga.

Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad —– Pyare Laloo prasad bhaiyya
You do not meet —– aap to miltay hee naheen ho
our requirement —– humko to zaroorat hai
Please do not send any furthur correspondance —– ab Letter vetter bhejne ka kaouno zaroorat nahee.
No phone call —– phoonwa ka bhee zaroorat nahee hai
shall be entertained —– bahut khaatir kee jayegi.
Thanks —– aapkaa bahut bahut dhanyavad.
Bill Gates. —-

There is a fly in my soup

Customer: Waiter, there’s a fly in my soup.

Waiter: That’s all right sir, she won’t drink much.

Humor : Sindhis most intelligent!

Sindhi: Yeh banana kaisay diya?

Shopkeeper: 1Rs.

Sindhi: 60 Paisa ka deta hai?

S.K: 60 paise mein to sirf chilka milega.

Sindhi:Ley 40 paisay, chilka rakh aur kela day de.

***

Titanic K Sath Sindhi Bhi Doob Raha Tha

Aur Hans Bhi Raha Tha

Dost: Oye Hans Kyun Raha Hai?

Sindhi: Shukar Hai Main Ne Return Ticket Nahi Khareeda

**

Some people spend their entire lives trying to be INTELLIGENT, SMART, PRETTY..

Others are simply born ‘SINDHIS’!!

Room 5!

A man arrives at the gates of Heaven.

He was asked, “Religion?”

“Hindu” the man says.

He was told, “Go to Room 3, but be very quiet as you pass Room 5.”

Another man arrives at the gates of Heaven.

“Religion?”

“Buddhist”

“Go to Room 4, but be very quiet as you pass Room 5.”

A third man arrives at the gates.

“Religion?”

“Christian”

“Go to Room 9, but be very quiet as you pass Room 5.”

A fourth man arrives at the gates.

“Religion?”

“Jewish.”

“Go to Room 7, but be very quiet as you pass Room 5.”

The Jew asked, “I can understand there being different rooms for different religions, but why must we all be quiet when we pass Room 5?”

“Well, the Muslims are in Room 5 and they think they’re the only ones here!”

Source – Internet

When I got married!!

A Man was walking down a street when he heard a voice from behind, “If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you.”

The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished.

He went on, and after a while he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted, “Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you, and you will die.” The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him.

The man asked. “Who are you?”

“I am your guardian angel,” the voice answered.

“Oh, yeah?” the man asked “And where the hell were you when I got married?”

A Difficult Judgment

In a small town in the southern US, a person decided to open up his Bar, right opposite to the Baptist Church. The Baptist Church’s congregation started a campaign to block the Bar from opening with petitions and prayed daily against his business.

Work progressed. However, when it was almost complete and was about to open a few days later, a lightning bolt struck the Bar and it was burnt to the ground.

The Baptist Church folks were rather smug in their outlook after that, until the Bar owner sued the Baptist Church authorities on the grounds that the Baptist Church through it’s congregation’ s prayers was ultimately responsible for the demise of his bar, either through direct or indirect actions or means.

In its reply to the court, the Baptist Church vehemently denied all responsibility or any connection that their prayers were reasons to the bar’s demise.

As the case made its way into court, the judge looked over the paperwork at the hearing and commented:

I don’t know how I’m going to decide this case, but it appears from the paperwork,

‘we have a bar owner who believes in the power of prayer’ and ‘we have an entire church and it’s congregation that doesn’t.’

What’s going on?

A driver is stuck in a traffic jam on the intersection. Nothing is moving.
Suddenly a man knocks on the window. The driver rolls down his window and asks, ‘What’s going on?’
The man replied,’Terrorists down the road have kidnapped George W. Bush and Dick Cheney. They’re asking for a $100 million ransom. Otherwise they’re going to douse them with gasoline and set them on fire. We’re going from car to car, taking up a collection.’
The driver asks, ‘How much is everyone giving, on average?’
‘Most people are giving about a gallon.’

LEADERSHIP TEST!!

While visiting India, George Bush is invited to tea with the Abdul Kalam. He asks Kalam what his leadership philosophy is. He says that, it is to surround himself with intelligent people. Bush asks how he knows! if they’re intelligent. “I do so by asking them the right questions,” says the Kalam. “Allow me To demonstrate.” Bush watches as the kalam phones Manmohan Singh and says,

“Mr.Prime Minister, please answer this question: your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or sister.

Who is it?”

Manmohan immediately responds, “It’s me, Sir !.” “Correct. Thank you and good-bye, sir,” says the Kalam. He hangs up and says, “Did you get that, Mr. Bush?” Bush nods: “Yes Mr. President. Thanks a lot. I’ll definitely be using that!” Bush, upon returning to Washington, decides he’d better put the Condoleeza Rice to the test. Bush summons her to the White House and says, “Condoleeza, I wonder if you can answer a question for me.”

“Why, of course, sir. What’s on your mind?” Bush poses the question: “Uhh, your mother has a child, and your! father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?” Rice was puzzled and finally asks, “Can I think about it and get back To you?” Bush agrees, and Rice leaves. Rice immediately calls a meeting of senior senators, and they puzzle over the question for several hours, out nobody can come up with an answer. Finally, in desperation, Rice calls Colin Powell and explains the problem.

“Mr. Powell, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?”

Powell answers immediately, “It’s me, of course.” Much relieved, Rice rushes back to the White House, finds George Bush, and exclaims, “I know the answer, sir! I know who it is! It’s our Colin Powell!”

And Bush replies in disgust, “Wrong, you Jackass, its Manmohan Singh!”

Pakistan First!

..Like when General Musharraf introduced his ‘modern enlightenment’ philosophy tagged with the slogan “Pakistan First”, a joke was on SMS that his wife complained that he has not been screwing her lately – and the General candidly replied: Pakistan First.

Excerpt from the article “jokes Too Far” written by Wajid Ali Syed.

Source – http://www.wichaar.com/news/292/ARTICLE/15691/2009-08-10.html

Lucky Wife!

A lady said to her friend ,’ My husband now after the marriage is a millionaire.’ Her friend inquired,’ What was he before the marriage? The lady replied, ‘A billionaire.’

ANGEL ON EARTH

A person said proudly to his friend ,’ My wife is an angel.’

His friend replied ,’You are lucky . Mine is still alive .’

Coincidence

Teacher: “Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?

One student: “Sir, my mother and father got married on the same day and at the same time.”

Something to be proud about

A lady said,’ My husband now after the marriage is a millionaire.’
Her friend inquired,” What was he before the marriage?
The lady replied, ‘A billionaire.’

The secret of Sweetness

A person said to his friend,’ Credit to you. Even after 1O years of marriage, you are speaking so sweetly to your wife on the telephone.’
The friend replied, ‘But that is not my wife. It is yours.’

Humor

A guy dials his home and a strange woman answers.
The guy says, “Who is this?”
“This is the maid,” answers the woman.
“We don`t have a maid,” says the man.
The woman says, “I was hired this morning by the woman of the house.”
The man says, “Well, this is her husband. Is she there?”
The woman replies, “She is upstairs in the bed room with someone who I figured was her husband.”

“The hell it should had!?

A disappointed salesman of a Cola returns from his Middle East assignment.
A friend asked, “Why weren’t you successful with the Arabs?”
The salesman explained
“When I got posted in the Middle East , I was very confident that I would make a good sales pitch as Cola is virtually unknown there. But, I had a problem I didn’t know to speak Arabic. So, I planned to convey the message through three posters…
First poster: A man lying in the hot desert sand…totally exhausted and fainting.
Second poster: The man is drinking our Cola.
Third poster: Our man is now totally refreshed.
And then these posters were pasted all over the place
“Then that should have worked!” said the friend.
“The hell it should had!? said the salesman. Didn’t realize that Arabs read from right to left“

To call a thief a thief

To call a thief a thief
In other countries, you used to call a thief a thief but in Pak you call them government officers.

Logical reason:  Teacher: “Why are you always late for school.”  Student: “Because you always ring the bell before I get there.”

Ask Almighty Allah, why is it so?

-Mohammad Khan Sial
Mohammad Khan Sial can be reached at sialmk@yahoo.com
Pathan, Sindhi, Balochi and Seraiki asked one “Firshtaa”, where-ever, we go, we find Punjabi sitting everywhere in all departments of Pakistan. Ask Almighty Allah, why is it so?
“Firshtaa” replied: “Main Hunn Hi Gayaa, Hunn Hi Aayaa“

An Arab & a Sindhi

One day an Arab came to Radio club and sat in a corner with a worried face.
One Sindhi saw him and asked ,’Why all this sorrow?’
The Arab replied,’ I am suffering from a rare disease and I need a particular type of blood which is available only in India.’
And he named the rare blood group.
The Sindhi jumped up and said, ‘ God be praised. What luck.! That is my blood group . I will gladly give my blood to you.’
The Arab was so pleased that on the next day , he presented a Mercedes car and Rs. 5OO, OOO to our Sindhi .
Afterwards they went together to the hospital.
The Doctors complimented the two on successful transfusion of blood.
After one year, the same Arab returned to India and contacted our Sindhi friend .
But this time the Arab gave nothing to the Sindhi.
The Sindhi was perplexed and said to the Arab,’ Why brother! You are angry with me!.You are offering me absolutely nothing this time.”
The Arab smiled and said ‘No brother. I cannot be angry with you. But please remember. I have now your blood in my veins.’
Now the same joke in Colloquial  phonetic Roman Sindhi script.

Fishing

Two men went fishing. One was an experienced fisherman, the other wasn’t. Every time the experienced fisherman caught a big fish, he put it in his ice chest to keep it fresh. Whenever the inexperienced fisherman caught a big fish, he threw it back.
The experienced fisherman watched this go on all day and finally got tired of seeing the man waste good fish. “Why do you keep throwing back all the big fish you catch?” he asked.
The inexperienced fisherman replied, “I only have a small frying pan.”