Pakistan 2013: The uncertainty is real

By Omar Ali

Excerpt;

The first thing that strikes you on landing in Pakistan after a few years is how much more “modern” it is and how dramatically (and frequently, painfully) it is changing with every passing day. One is reminded that Pakistan is as much a part of “rising Asia” as India, Bangladesh or Thailand and is not all about terrorists, conspiracy theories, Salafist nutjobs or the clash of civilizations. But since more qualified people are writing about the economics of rising Asia, the destruction of the environment, the breakdown of traditional society, the future of the planet, and the meaning of life, I will try not to step too much on their turf. And since there are countless articles (and more than one famous book) detailing the Westernized elite’s view of how the underclass lives and dies in rising Asia, I will not intrude too far on that well-trodden terrain either. Instead, without further ado, here are my personal and entirely anecdotal observations from 3 weeks in Pakistan. ….

…… Last but not the least, our sense of humor is alive and well. With newly elected prime-minister Nawaz Sharif apparently floundering without a coherent national security strategy 2 months after taking office, the following joke was making the rounds: there is a new position in the kama sutra; its called the Nawaz Sharif. You get on top and do nothing.

Read more » 3QarksDaily
http://www.3quarksdaily.com/3quarksdaily/2013/08/pakistan-2013-the-uncertainty-is-real.html#more

Humorously close to reality!

Daddy?

Yes, son.

Are we going to have a war with India?

Perhaps.

Oh, goody. We will thrash them, right? Like we did in 1857!

It wasn’t in 1857, son.

Oh, okay. But whom did we thrash in 1857?

The British, son…

And the Hindus too, right?

Well…

Did Quaid-i-Azam fight in that war along with Muhammad bin Qasim and Imran Khan?

No, son. The Quaid and Imran were born much later and Muhammad bin Qasim died many years before.

Then who ruled Pakistan in those days?

There was no Pakistan in those days, son.

But there was always a Pakistan! It has been there for 5,000 years!

Who have you been talking to, son?

No one. I’ve just been watching TV.

It figures.

Daddy, why are all these people against us Arabs?

Arabs? But we aren’t Arabs, son.

Of course we are because our ancestors were Arabs!

No, son. Our ancestors were of the subcontinental stock.

Sub-what?

Never mind.You seem to like wars, son.

Yes. I like to watch them on TV.

But real wars are fought outside the TV, son.

Really? How is that possible? What sort of a war is that?

Never mind.

Daddy, you look worried.

Of course, I am, you little warmongering punk!

Daddy! Why are you scolding me?

Because TV is talking rot and so are you!

Daddy, are you supporting Hindus?

No!

Daddy, have you become a kafir?

Keep quiet! No more TV for you! Go watch a movie on DVD or listen to a CD.

Can’t do that.

But we have so many DVDs and CDs, son.

Not any more.

What do you mean?

I burned them all.

What?!

I burned them all.

I heard that! But why?

They spread obscenity.

Oh, God. Son, go do your homework. What happened to that science project you were working on?

It’s almost complete.

Good boy. What are you making?

A bomb.

What?!

A bomb.

I heard that! But why?

Because I am a true Muslim who hates America.

But only last week you wanted to go to Disney Land.

That’s different.

How come?

Mickey Mouse is Muslim.

No, he isn’t.

Is so. He converted when he heard azaan on the moon.

On the moon?

Yes. Because the earth is flat and…

What??

The earth is…

I heard that!

Daddy, do you want to see my science project, or not?

Gosh, that bomb? But your science teacher will fail you.

No, she wont.

Really?

Yes. I plan to blow her up as well.

God, what is wrong with you? Go call your mother!

She can’t come.

Why not?

I’ve locked her in the kitchen.

But what for?

A woman’s place is in the kitchen. I will not let her out until she covers herself up peoperly!

But she’s your mother!

She’s also a woman!

So?

So she should be hidden.

Hidden from whom?

The whole world and Tony.

Tony?

Yes, Tony.

But Tony’s a cat.

Yes. But he’s male.

Son, have you gone mad?

No. By the way, I’ve made sure Kitto starts covering up as well.

Kitto?

Yes, Kittto.

But Kitto’s a cat!

Yes. But a female cat.

But she’ll suffocate.

Oh, she’s already dead.

What?

She’s already dead.

I heard that! But how?

I buried her alive.

You what?

Yes. To avenge Tony’s honour. But now I will behead Tony.

But why?

To save mom’s honour!

Oh, God!

Don’t say that. Always say Allah.

What’s the difference?

Daddy, do you want to be beheaded too?

No!

Do you want to be stoned to death?

No!

Do you want to be flogged?

No!

Do you want to get your arms chopped off?

No!

Then stop asking silly questions. By the way, I won’t call you daddy anymore.

What will you call me then?

Whatever that is Arabic for daddy.

I don’t know any Arabic, son.

That’s because you are a kafir.

Who the heck are you to tell me who I am, you little fascist twit!

What’s a fascist?

An irrational, violent, self-righteous mad man!

W… aaaaaaa…

Why are you crying?

You scolded me.

Okay, I’m sorry. You have to be tolerant and rational, son. Now be a good boy and go read a book instead of watching TV.

I have no books.

Of course, you do. I bought you so many books.

I burned them.

What?

I burned them.

But why?

They were all in English.

So?

It’s a non-Muslim language!

But we are speaking English, aren’t we?

W… aaaaaaa…

What now?

Zionists made me forget my Arabic.

But you never knew any Arabic, son.

W… aaaa… yes, I did until you and mommy gave me the polio drops… aaaaa…

Okay, tell me, can you do me a favour?

Sure, dad.

Can you blow up something for me?

Oh, goody! Of course, dad. What should I blow? A CD shop, a hotel, a school…?

No, no, something a lot more sinister.

Mom?

No, no…

What then?

The TV set!

What?

Blow the TV set.

I heard that! But why?

Just do it!

I see. Dad?

Yes.

You’re so unconstitutional! – (author unknown)

Courtesy: Pakistani e-lists/ e-groups, March 18, 2013.

Humor on current situation of Pakistan – 7th Nuclear Power

There Are Seven Nuclear Powers In The World.1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th & 6th Nuclear Countries Are Thinking About How To Do Advancements In Space & How To Make A Permanent Station On Moon.

& The 7th Nuclear Power Is Debating On;

“Load Shedding“, “Ramzan Ka Chand“, “Polio Ke Qatry Halal Ya Haram?”, “Iodine Mila Namak Aur Baanjh Pan?”, “Cheif Justice Hero Ya big Zero?” “Veena Malik”, “Rehman Malik”, “Riaz Malik“, “Tuk Tuk Misbah”, “Zubaida Aapa“,

Pakistan Zinda Baad, Pehlay Pakistan Sa Zinda Baag…

Courtesy: Pakistani e-lists, e-groups, 28 June, 2012.

PTI will end corruption in 19 days, terrorism in 90 days: Imran Khan

ISLAMABAD: Pakistan Tehreek-e-Insaf (PTI), once in power, will end corruption in 19 days and terrorism in 90 days, said PTI Chairman Imran Khan on Sunday.

Speaking at a seminar organised by PTI in Islamabad, Imran said that his party would not be dependent on the bureaucracy nor would it “waste time listening to their suggestions.”

Referring to the many crises faced by Pakistan, Imran said it was not necessary that a political leadership could not achieve what former president Pervez Musharraf had failed to accomplish, in terms of resolving the crises.

“PTI will come to power along with policies to address all problems.”

Courtesy: The Express Tribune

Sardar and an American

A Sardar and an American are seated next to each other on a flight from Los Angeles to New York . The American asks if he would like to play a fun-game.

The Sardar, tired, just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.

The American persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun.

He says, “I ask you a question, and if you don’t know the answer, you pay me $5, and vice versa.”

Again, the Sardar! declines and tries to get some sleep.

The American, now worked up, says, “Okay, if you don’t know the answer, you pay me $5, and if I don’t know the answer, I’ll pay you $500.”

This gets the sardar’s attention and, figuring there

will be no end to this torment, agrees to the game.

The American asks the first question, “What’s the distance from the earth to the moon?”

The Sardar doesn’t say a word, reaches into his wallet, pulls out a $5 bill and hands it to the American.

“Okay,” says the American, “Your turn.”

So the Sardar asks, “What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?”

The American thinks about it. No answer.

Puzzled, he takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. No answer!

He taps into the air-phone with his modem and searches the Internet and the Library of Congress. No answer.

Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all h! is friends and co-workers.

Checks the input. All to no avail!

Finally, a long time later, he wakes the Sardar and hands him $500.

The Sardar thanks him and turns back to get his sleep.

The American, more than a little miffed, stirs the

Sardar and asks,

“Well, what’s the answer?”

Without a word, the Sardar reaches into his purse, hands the American $5, and goes back to sleep!

SINDH CABINATE MEETING – THIS IS NOT TO OFFEND ANY ONE, THIS IS SINDHI COMEDY JUST FOR FUN

The language of the video clip is Sindhi.

» YouTube

 

A Must Watch Film

New theatrical trailer of upcoming movie from nine zero production. Staring Altaf Bhai in a melodious movie that grossed a loss of a million dollar yet entertained millions.

→ YouTube

Pakistan Mlitary help line

Welcome to the Pakistan Army Help Line..

For Real Estate, press 1;

For Banking Services, press 2;

For Construction, press 3;

For Logistics, press 4;

For Agricultural Services, press 5;

For Retail services, press 6;

For Shadi Halls, press 7;

For Insurance services, press 8;

for Consumer goods, press 9;

for Security please call ‘Brinks‘.

…And for whereabouts of Terrorists call American CIA

For those in denial please call your approved psychological services specializing in conspiracy theories …

Courtesy: Pakistani e-lists/ e-groups, May 27, 2011

Bill Maher on the Superiority of Western Values

No better combination than the combination of humor and brilliance. Bill Maher compares the western values we uphold to those of the Islamic world.

– YouTube

Pakistani Hell

A man dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different hell for each country. He decides he’ll pick the least painful to spend his eternity. He goes to the German Hell and asks, “What do they do here?”
He is told “first they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for  another hour. Then the German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day“.
The man does not like the sound of that at all so he moves on. He checks out the AMERICAN Hell as  well as the Russian Hell and many more.  He discovers that they are all similar to the German hell.

Then he comes to the PAKISTANI hell and finds that there is a long line of people waiting to get in.
Amazed, he asks, “What do they d here?”
He is told “first they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. The PAKISTANI devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day.
“But that is exactly the same as all the other hells so why are there so many people waiting to get in?” asks the man.

“Because there is never any electricity, so the electric chair does not work. The nails were paid for but never supplied, so the bed is comfortable to sleep on. And the PAKISTANI devil used to be a civil servant, so he comes in, signs his time sheet and goes back home for private business.” SO YOU SEE… IT PAYS TO BE A PAKISTANI!!

Source – Internet.

Darul Ulum Langley Sharif

By: Hakim Hazik

After Abdul Sattar Edhi, the biggest Boy Scout in Pakistan is Hakimullah Mehsud. He has protected Pakistan from enemies of the Ummah such as Col. Imam by shooting them in the head and making improving educational videos for patriotic Pakistanis.

All the chaos, disorder, terrorism, inflation, hailstorms and traffic congestion in Pakistan has been created by the CIA. It is interference on a massive scale from across the border. Karzai is in the hock of RAW which is a slave of CIA which in turn is a handmaiden of MOSSAD. All these leery wolves have turned upon the innocent citizens of Pakistan. They are attacking us with drones. They are attacking us with Glock handguns. They are attacking us with polio drops, so that we lose our manhood and our ghairat and the Ideology of Pakistan is defamed and degraded.

A foreign hand cannot be excluded in the murder of Shehbaz Bhatti. A foreign hand cannot be excluded in the Faisalabad blast. A foreign hand cannot be excluded in the Pacific tsunami. A foreign hand cannot be excluded in propping up Kamran Akmal. A foreign hand is squeezing the vital organs of the Ummah.

It all started when we decided to fight America’s war. Everything was going swimmingly before 9/11. We were living in a democratic and prosperous welfare state and taking great strides in economic development with the help of the IMF tranches. Now we had to kill our own people whose only fault was that they were killing our own people. Such blatant American interference will rarely be seen across the world. There are a thousand Raymond Davis’s running amok in the Land of the Pure looking for half a million trained Mujahideen whose only fault is that they want to explode bombs in city centres.

Who was it who trained these militants anyway? It was the Americans. They recruited them from across the world; trained and indoctrinated them in Darul Ulum Langley Sharif and let them loose in Afghanistan. At all this time, the Premier Sensitive Agency of the world watched with bemusement and filled its pockets with greenbacks and Ojhari Camp with explosives. They were quite distraught when the Americans left in a fit of pique, after 1989 and the Premier Agency had to mop up the mess left behind in Kabul and Jalalabad under the inspired leadership of General Bull who turned Afghanistan into a thriving, modern democracy.

Even now, as soon as the Americans leave, the half a million jihadis will instantaneously become tourist guides and divert their attention from suicide vests to the Chitrali Patti ….

Read more : Justice Denied

Joint Family System : merits and demerits

Joint Family System (nucleus family system) : merits and demerits.

Courtesy: Geo TV (Khabrnaak with Aftab Iqbal, 22 Jan. 2011)

via – ZemTV – You Tube Link

Humor : Dialogue between Pakistani & Chinese Premiers

The language of show is urdu/ Hindi.

Courtesy: DunyaTV (Hasb-e-Haal, 24th December 2010)

via – ZemTV – You Tube Link

The Lota Siasat of Pakistan

The language of discussion is urdu/ Hindi.

Courtesy: Dunya TV (Hasbe-e-Haal, 18th December, 2010)

via – ZemTV – You Tube Link

Humor — Hell — Pakistan

A man dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different hell for each country. He decides he’ll pick the least painful to spend his eternity. He goes to the German Hell and asks, “What do they do here?”

He is told “first they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day”.

The man does not like the sound of that at all so he moves on. He checks out the AMERICAN Hell as well as the Russian Hell and many more. He discovers that they are all similar to the German hell.

Then he comes to the PAKISTANI hell and finds that there is a long line of people waiting to get in.

Amazed, he asks, “What do they d here?”

He is told “first they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. The PAKISTANI devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day.

“But that is exactly the same as all the other hells so why are there so many people waiting to get in?” asks the man.

“Because there is never any electricity, so the electric chair does not work. The nails were paid for but never supplied, so the bed is comfortable to sleep on. And the PAKISTANI devil used to be a civil servant, so he comes in, signs his time sheet and goes back home for private business.”

“When They Go, They Leave Their Fragrance Behind”

By Dr. Ahmed Makhdoom

Extremely shocked and grieved to learn about the sad demise of a wonderful, courageous, brilliant and extraordinary son of Mother Sindh, Haleem Brohi.

Personally, I did meet him few times and we had great ‘kutchehries.’ ‘But, he was more near to my brother Zahid Makhdoom, who always made a point to bring Haleem Brohi to our house at Hyderabad as well a Karachi for some discussions! I was extremely enamoured by his humour and forthright straight forwardness.

Halim Brohi was a prolific writer, an innovator and inventor, who was always thinking about bringing changes in our society! Whether it be the language and literature, he was always out there in the forefront in a different way! He will certainly be missed by not just his family and friends, but, by each and every person of our society.

Yes, when such remarkable souls depart, they certainly leave their exuberance behind and surely, leave their fragrance with those left behind!

Noted Sindhi humor writer, & a pioneer of Roman-Sindhi script Haleem Brohi passes away

“A giant” of Sindhi language well-known writer and thinker Haleem Brohi has passed away on Wednesday, July 28, 2010 @ 4 pm in Hyderabad, Sindh. Haleem Brohi has great contribution in Sindhi humor, Sindhi novel and in a way journalist, a real columnist of Sindhi and English language. He was a pioneer of Roman-Sindhi Script named “Haleem Brohi Jee Roman Sindhee.”

Marriage!!

>> After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can’t face each other, but still they stay together. -Al Gore

>>By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher. – Socrates

>> Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them. -Mike Tyson

>> I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me. -Bill Clinton

>> “I don’t worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.” -Rudy Giuliani

“There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called wife.” – Michael Jordan

>> “I’ve had bad luck with all my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn’t.” -Donald Trump

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming

1. Whenever you’re wrong, admit it, 2. Whenever you’re right, shut up. -Shaquille O’Neal

>> The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once… – Kobe Bryant

>> My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. – Alec Baldwin

>> A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong. -Barack Obama

>> Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy. -Tommy Lee

>> First Guy (proudly): “My wife’s an angel!” Second Guy: “You’re lucky, mine’s still alive.” – Jimmy Kimmel

>> “First there’s the promise ring, then the engagement ring, then the wedding ring…soon after….comes Suffer…ing! -Jay Leno

Thai health commercial

Source – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xdUsi37ddaE

Laloo Prasad sent his Bio Data – to apply for a post in Microsoft Corporation, USA

A few days later he got this reply:

Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad,
You do not meet our requirements. Please do not send any further correspondence. No phone call shall be entertained.
Thanks
Bill Gates .

Laloo prasad jumped with joy on receiving this reply. He arranged a press conference:

“Bhaiyon aur Behno, aap ko jaan kar khushi hogee ki hum ko Amereeca mein naukri mil gayee hai.”
Everyone was delighted. Laloo prasad continued… … “Ab hum aap sab ko apnaa appointment Letter padkar sunaongaa ? par letter angreeze main hai – isliyen saath-saath Hindi main translate bhee karoonga.

Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad —– Pyare Laloo prasad bhaiyya
You do not meet —– aap to miltay hee naheen ho
our requirement —– humko to zaroorat hai
Please do not send any furthur correspondance —– ab Letter vetter bhejne ka kaouno zaroorat nahee.
No phone call —– phoonwa ka bhee zaroorat nahee hai
shall be entertained —– bahut khaatir kee jayegi.
Thanks —– aapkaa bahut bahut dhanyavad.
Bill Gates. —-

There is a fly in my soup

Customer: Waiter, there’s a fly in my soup.

Waiter: That’s all right sir, she won’t drink much.

Humor : Sindhis most intelligent!

Sindhi: Yeh banana kaisay diya?

Shopkeeper: 1Rs.

Sindhi: 60 Paisa ka deta hai?

S.K: 60 paise mein to sirf chilka milega.

Sindhi:Ley 40 paisay, chilka rakh aur kela day de.

***

Titanic K Sath Sindhi Bhi Doob Raha Tha

Aur Hans Bhi Raha Tha

Dost: Oye Hans Kyun Raha Hai?

Sindhi: Shukar Hai Main Ne Return Ticket Nahi Khareeda

**

Some people spend their entire lives trying to be INTELLIGENT, SMART, PRETTY..

Others are simply born ‘SINDHIS’!!

Room 5!

A man arrives at the gates of Heaven.

He was asked, “Religion?”

“Hindu” the man says.

He was told, “Go to Room 3, but be very quiet as you pass Room 5.”

Another man arrives at the gates of Heaven.

“Religion?”

“Buddhist”

“Go to Room 4, but be very quiet as you pass Room 5.”

A third man arrives at the gates.

“Religion?”

“Christian”

“Go to Room 9, but be very quiet as you pass Room 5.”

A fourth man arrives at the gates.

“Religion?”

“Jewish.”

“Go to Room 7, but be very quiet as you pass Room 5.”

The Jew asked, “I can understand there being different rooms for different religions, but why must we all be quiet when we pass Room 5?”

“Well, the Muslims are in Room 5 and they think they’re the only ones here!”

Source – Internet

When I got married!!

A Man was walking down a street when he heard a voice from behind, “If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you.”

The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished.

He went on, and after a while he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted, “Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you, and you will die.” The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him.

The man asked. “Who are you?”

“I am your guardian angel,” the voice answered.

“Oh, yeah?” the man asked “And where the hell were you when I got married?”

Don’t mess with Indians!

Source – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3KsN0fM3KJI&feature=player_embedded

via – http://globeistan.com/?p=8503

A Difficult Judgment

In a small town in the southern US, a person decided to open up his Bar, right opposite to the Baptist Church. The Baptist Church’s congregation started a campaign to block the Bar from opening with petitions and prayed daily against his business.

Work progressed. However, when it was almost complete and was about to open a few days later, a lightning bolt struck the Bar and it was burnt to the ground.

The Baptist Church folks were rather smug in their outlook after that, until the Bar owner sued the Baptist Church authorities on the grounds that the Baptist Church through it’s congregation’ s prayers was ultimately responsible for the demise of his bar, either through direct or indirect actions or means.

In its reply to the court, the Baptist Church vehemently denied all responsibility or any connection that their prayers were reasons to the bar’s demise.

As the case made its way into court, the judge looked over the paperwork at the hearing and commented:

I don’t know how I’m going to decide this case, but it appears from the paperwork,

‘we have a bar owner who believes in the power of prayer’ and ‘we have an entire church and it’s congregation that doesn’t.’

Striking Suicide Bombers!

Found, I am not sure where, by Gweilicus

Courtesy: fmft.net

.. suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-day strike on Monday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in the afterlife. Emergency talks with Al Qaeda management have so far failed to produce an agreement. The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Qaeda announced that the number of virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death will be cut by 25% next January from 72 to only 60. The rationale for the cut was the increase in recent years of the number of suicide bombings and a subsequent shortage of virgins in the afterlife.

The suicide bombers’ union, the British Organisation of Occupational Martyrs (or B.O.O.M.) responded with a statement that this was unacceptable to its members and immediately balloted for strike action. General Secretary Abdullah Amir told the press, “Our members are literally working themselves to death in the cause of Jihad. We don’t ask for much in return but to be treated like this by management is a kick in the teeth.”

Mr Amir accepted the limited availability of virgins but pointed out that the cutbacks were expected to be borne entirely by the workforce and not by management. “Last Christmas Abu Hamza alone was awarded an annual bonus of 250,000 virgins,” complains Amir. “And you can be sure they’ll all be pretty ones too. How can Al Qaeda afford that for members of the management but not 72 for the people who do the real work?”

Savita Bhabhi Ke Sexy Solutions on Afghanistan!

Source – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qicOK6innkc&feature=player_embedded

Via Globeistan

Umer Sharif interview with Air Hostess

Source – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2IVLfdEjw3w

What’s going on?

A driver is stuck in a traffic jam on the intersection. Nothing is moving.
Suddenly a man knocks on the window. The driver rolls down his window and asks, ‘What’s going on?’
The man replied,’Terrorists down the road have kidnapped George W. Bush and Dick Cheney. They’re asking for a $100 million ransom. Otherwise they’re going to douse them with gasoline and set them on fire. We’re going from car to car, taking up a collection.’
The driver asks, ‘How much is everyone giving, on average?’
‘Most people are giving about a gallon.’