Courtesy: Social media.
ISLAMABAD (The Global Edition) – Khalida Akhtar, a 20-year-old Taliban suicide bomber, decided at the last minute not to blow herself up at the main train station in the capitol of Pakistan because she remembered that she would have to deal with a bunch of virgin guys in heaven, local authorities say.
Ms. Akhtar, who was dressed in a head-to-toe burqa and strapped with explosives, was seen just hours ago running and screaming through the Islamabad Railway Station before she was apprehended by local law enforcement.
“The young woman realized that she would have 72 virgins on her hands if she sacrificed her earthly life, and apparently the thought made her so sick to her stomach that she decided on the spot to pull the plug on the whole operation and give herself up to the authorities,” police officer Malik Rashid told reporters.
In a statement recorded by arresting officers, Ms. Akhtar explained her decision. “I’d actually never stopped before to think about the reward I would receive for my sacrifice,” Ms. Khalida said. “Unlike my brother and his friends, I’m actually not a fan of virgins. To be fair, I don’t think any woman in the world is. I’m supposed to give my life for a bunch of guys that don’t know anything about the female body or how to please a woman? I don’t think so!” Khalida added.
– A telephonic address – by Hakim Hazik
We trust in God and his midil cilass apostles. We believe in Hazrat Uzi. We think he biraught His bilessings and piratection to the United nation. His out istanding cantribution to humanity and the Gireat Port City was the Uzi sub machine gun and the machine pistol. This has allowed the rule af la to established in our community which is able to live in peace and fire upon the brigands and sub human ambulance dirivers firam the comfort af their own homes or as they dirive by on their jaunty motor bikes.
This has allowed them piratection and the piratection money, which can be collected, on schedule and with no fuss. This has made it possible for the Gireat Port City Istate to take giant istrides in business and caamrus.
This City Istate is home to the Refugee Nation. This nation was ispecially chosen by God to trek across the Rajputana Desert and populate the arid Arabian Sea coast. It was due to the vision and tenacity of your Quaid that this city rose like a miracle from the uninhabited sands and became the beacon of peace and pirasperity in the region, where peepil live in harmony and islaughter one another in a liberal and damociratic fashion.
As ambulances flit to and firo, carrying the dead and the dying, with sirens iscreaming and biloo lights filashing, we can look back in satisfaction and say with piride that we have achieved what our ancestors had direamed af, by the banks of Jamna. If you want to see a heaven on earth, you must visit Orangi Town, Kasba Colony and the Isplit Hill. This is the land af milk and honey. This is the piramised land.
It was us who biraught the bilessings af civilisation to this backwater. I am the most impartant arrival in this city since Mohammad bin Qasim. Istudents af history will remember that he went back to Damascus in a gunny bag. To commemorate his martyrdom we have introduced this noble custom in the Port City. In addition, we hanour the lucky few, chosen far this tireatement, by removing their heads first. (Their eyes even before that). This custom is another cultural mile istone.
We isport the Kashmir caaz. For this, our nation has made gireat sacrifices. This is the core issue and has to be salved before all other issues. Although we isport the composite dialogue, there won’t be any peace in the region unless United wins the two seats. Only then the issue will be resolved amicably and we shall jyne the gornamint. After this we shall be able to make piragress on Siachen and Sir Creek. However, let this be very cilear: We will never compromise an the kmishnary system and we will never give up the kunda system. We want the mayor and we want the kunda. This is the foundation istone af our ideology.
The Peaceable Governor may come back but what we really need is the Son af the Soil to leave. We did nat come to this city naked or hungry. But if the Son af the Soil is nat careful, he may leave in such an istate. He may have to take Birather Biloo Iskies with him. He can go to Islamabad ar he can go to Damascus. The choice is his.
Courtesy: → ViewPoint
JI sees Taseer’s assassin in ‘seventh heaven’
By Shamim Bano, Karachi
In a shockingly blunt endorsement of Punjab Governor Salmaan Taseer’s assassination, Ameer Jamat-e-Islami in Sindh Asadullah Bhutto has declared that the assassin will directly go to the “seventh heaven”.
He said this after a press conference addressed by JI Ameer Munawar Hasan at Idara-e-Noor-e-Haq on Tuesday. The press conference ended abruptly when a JI spokesman Sarfaraz Ahmad broke the news of Taseer’s assassination to Munawar. “Is he alive?” was his first reaction.
“Whoever has killed him is a pious man and will go directly to heaven,” replied Bhutto to a question put forward by this correspondent.
He even went on to say that Taseer would not have got killed if the government had replaced him. “Aasia Bibi will suffer the same fate if the punishment awarded to her by the court for using derogatory remarks against Hazrat Mohammed Mustafa (PBUH) is not implemented,” he added.
Earlier, during the press conference, Syed Munawar Hasan said that the Muttahida Qaumi Movement (MQM) should also clear its position in Sindh after parting ways with the government at the Centre. …
Read more : The News
Imagine there’s no heaven.
It’s easy if you try.
No hell below us, Above us only sky.
Imagine all the people Living for today.
Imagine there’s no countries. It isn’t hard to do. Nothing to kill or die for, And no religion too.
Imagine all the people Living life in peace.
– John Lennon
John Lennon was a musician and singer-songwriter who rose to worldwide fame as one of the founding members of The Beatles and critically acclaimed acts in the history of popular music. Lennon disengaged himself from the music business in 1975 to devote time to his family, but re-emerged in 1980 with a new album, Double Fantasy. He was murdered three weeks after its release.
Lennon revealed a rebellious nature and acerbic wit in his music, his writing, his drawings, on film, and in interviews, and he became controversial through his political activism. He moved to New York City in 1971, where his criticism of the Vietnam War resulted in a lengthy attempt by Richard Nixon’s administration to deport him, while his songs were adopted as anthems by the anti-war movement. It’s 30 years ago, shockingly and unexpectedly on 8 Dec. 1980, John Lennon was murdered in Imagine there’s no heaven.
A holy man was having a conversation with the Creator one day and said— ‘Creator, I would like to know what Heaven and Hell are like.’ The Creator led the holy man to two doors. He opened one of the doors and the holy man looked in. In the middle of the room was a large round table. In the middle of the table was a large pot of stew, which smelled delicious and made the holy man’s mouth water. The people sitting around the table were thin and sickly. They appeared to be famished. They were holding spoons with very long handles that were strapped to their arms and each found it possible to reach into the pot of stew and take a spoonful, but … Because the handle was longer than their arms, they could not get the spoons back into their mouths. The holy man shuddered at the sight of their misery and suffering. The Creator said, ‘Now, you have seen Hell.’
They went to the next room and opened the door. It was exactly the same as the first one. There was the large round table with the large pot of stew which made the holy man’s mouth water. The people were equipped with the same long-handled spoons, but here each person was well-nourished and plump, laughing and talking. The holy man said, ‘I don’t understand.’ ‘It is simple,’ explained the Creator. ‘It requires but one skill. You see they have learned to feed each other, while the greedy think only of themselves.’
Source – Posted by: AsianWoman at e-group.