The Pakistani Matrix

By: Sabir Nazar

By the grace of God, mission accomplished. From now onwards the 3rd of July would be celebrated along with 6th September, when the enemy’s tooth were made sour (dant khatay kar deye). The word ‘SORRY’ has restored our honourable and respectable position among the committee of nations. It’s a great moral victory of our principle stand on the Torkham Pass and the nation’s victory over the sole super power of the planet.

The sovereignty and integrity of our borders has been accepted and recognised by the superpower and soon will be recognised by our brothers of Fata also, who have been misguided by foreign agents. Here are the details of our victory over the infidel Christian forces that are fighting an unjust war against our student brothers. Like the Ivans before them these Joes are going to face the same fate. InshAllah!

Hill: Hello, Hello, Can I talk to Mrs. Thar?

Thar: Hello.

(Jim! There is some fella on the line. Get me Mrs. Thar. Jim whispers: Sheesh! It’s her. She is online).

Hill: Hi Mrs. Khar, I am Hillari. Listen up Gal, We have decided to honour you with a five letter word, Sorry. Did you get that?

Thar: Roger that, Hill!

Hill: You know how these Brylcream boys work? We sincerely offer our condolences to the families of the dead habibis. That was Gung Ho Mo Fo action of our Whisky Bravoes, a sort of blue-on-blue contact.

Thar: Aye Aye, Hill!
(A voice: Thar! Ask her about the Coalition Benevolent Fund.)
Thar: Ahem … Ok … The army … Sorry; Foreign Office has also decided to open the Nato supply routes. Since we are partners in war on Dollars, we have also decided that no extra amount will be charged, if the Coalition Benevolent Fund is released immediately.

Hill: Hey buddy, thank you. I will be sure to recommend a cheese bar or some fruit salad for you when I meet your boss during my next stop over.

Thar: Oh thanks! You mean you would recommend me to Mr. Zee?

Hill: No! My dear, when did he become your boss? I meant Keanu Perees. He is calling all the shots in the Matrix that is woven all around you guys.

Thar: You can recommend me now. He is on the extension. So when will we be getting the CBF?

Hill: As soon the Five-Sided Squirrel Cage decides about your inflated accounts. You know, we shoe clerks have a little say in important matters that concern money!

Thar: But …

Hill: Hey, you also got to close down that Haqqani Chicken Farm. And I hope this decision won’t be shot down by your rock politicians-cum-petitioners.

Thar: You mean sheep and rent-a-crowd politicians? Don’t worry, we would take care of that but you gotta stop the Mullah FM Chicken Farm on your side of border.

Hill: Hey Hey, never heard of this tech savvy guy, Lieutenant. If I find him I will invite you for a Big Chicken Dinner.

Thar: Coming back to the CBF, its urgent!

Hill: Pretty soon. Let’s stop goat roping. You got to say sorry for your inflated bills! You penguins … all flap and no fly.

Courtesy: DAWN.COM

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